Well the appointment with my surgeon did not go exactly as planned. It turns out the hard bump I’m feeling pain at which I thought was a screw, is actually a bony part of my pelvis (my relocated AIIS bone that was moved during the last PAO for those with medical knowledge). With the left PAO surgery he shaved off that bone, but on the right side he did not shave it off because during surgery when he checked my range of motion it did not affect it, so he left it alone. As I healed and scar tissue lay down, it now causes my tendons and muscles on/around that area to become inflammated every time I activate my hip flexors. The higher I move my hip into flexion the worse the rubbing/pain, but even everyday normal walking affects it. I will be having a diagnostic injection into this area on Sept 28th in Columbus which if it numbs the area and makes most of the pain go away then it will confirm my surgeon’s thoughts on this, and I will go back under the knife Oct 1st to have the bone shaved off (if for some reason it doesn’t take the pain away, we have to make a new plan to figure out why I am still in pain all of the time in that area). To get to it he has to partially detach one of my quad muscle tendons and reattach it afterwards. I chose also to get a couple of screws out that are bothersome since I am going under anyways. I don’t want to get all 10 out because it will involve a lot more cutting, so hopefully the remaining 8 will never bother me in the future. Given my longer than normal history of recoveries from hip surgeries it’s really up in the air how long I’ll be on crutches this time. He said maybe around a month. He is not going into the joint which is good, but detaching/reattaching part of a muscle I think will inhibit a quick recovery. I had it fully detached and reattached on the left during my left PAO and it shut down that muscle bad and took a very long time to come back, and will never be normal again (although it is functional), but this right one will only be partially attached so I’m hoping for a better outcome.
When I left the office last Monday I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I didn’t even want to really talk about it with Yago at first. I just wanted to get in the car and blast praise and worship songs for the first part of the 2 hour drive home. I can’t even tell you why, except I’m guessing I just wanted to block out reality and focus on The Lord. I’ve since allowed myself to process this, especially after talking with my PT this past Tuesday. Unless the injection does little for the pain, this surgery is necessary. The pain I’m still having makes it clear something is not right in that area 9 months into recovery, and it is so specific to this area with the bump. My PT said once the inflammation starts it will shut down the muscle for protection, which then causes all of the muscles in that area to act all wonky, which is why I have likely not gained full pelvic stability on the right side. So we are now at surgery #5, in 2.5 years, 3rd surgery on this right side in less than 2 years. Scar tissue is never the same, and each time I get opened up and operated on (however necessary it is) more scar tissue is born, and so I am that much farther from my hopes of regaining a future active lifestyle. I get frustrated by it all sometimes, but I know so much is out of my control so I need to let it go.
I often wonder if most people I know are as sick of hearing about my hip issues as I am with dealing with them. People ask, but I think most of the time out of cordiality, but not necessarily really wanting to know. I can tell because if I answer in more than a few words eyes glaze over quickly, or sometimes unintentionally someone will say something insensitive. I get it now though, people who haven’t experienced the physical and emotional toll from chronic pain don’t understand. I used to get so upset about that; however it does not bother me like it used to because God has helped me come to accept it. I am quick now to give grace to people and not try to make them understand or dwell on the fact that they don’t try to understand. It still hurts a little, but hey, I’m human. I know that God is writing my story and using my pain (all of the physical/emotional/psychological parts of it) as a big part of it. It’s a constant reminder daily for me to say to Him “not my will, but yours.” John 15:4 says “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.” I want to bear fruit for Him and stay connected to the vine. In the past when things were great in my life it was harder for me to remain in The Lord, because the desperate neediness wasn’t there like it is in times of hardship. The worries of ever day life were there, but those were not big enough for me to recognize the daily relationship I needed with God. So this past year I have chosen to look at it this way, that He loves me so much that He wants me to remain in Him daily first and foremost over anything else, and this is the tool to do it until I am strong enough on my own to remain in Him without this hardship that keeps me clinging to Him.
Thanks for reading as always, I’ll update after the injection if I have time, and if not then after surgery I will for sure. I’ll happily accept any prayers in all this over the next month. Thanks!