1 step forward, 2 steps back….

I have been thinking of trying to post for a couple of weeks now, but really have been in a funk and feeling frustrated and depressed and just really didn’t have anything positive to write so I figured it was better to not write at all.  The PT saga continued since my last post.  I called Columbus and talked to Dr. Ellis’s PT that assessed me a week after I saw her and she said she had talked to my local PT and that they talked things out and she thought that I should go back and be followed by the local PT, that they were on the same page now, and that she felt the local PT was competent to work with me (while being guided from a distance by her).  All people working with me (the 2 PT’s, Dr. Ellis, my ART chiro, and my myofascial therapist) should all be communicating amongst each other going forward to make sure everyone was on the same page.  We discussed some specifics about things and she said I should continue with myofascial and ART, whatever I needed to manage the pain while going through rehab.  So I called back my local PT and I asked her if I could just come once a week.  Basically from what the OSU PT told me, I need to go a lot slower than most patients due to the complexity of my case and also it will take me ALOT longer than most to recover.  Given these factors I didn’t see the need to go to PT more than once a week because I would like a full week between to work on the exercises given to me before being progressed.  All of my PT’s in the past have pushed me to strengthen quickly and progress me according to how many weeks post-op I am vs where I am functionally, and each time they do that I get more pain.  So anyways, my local PT was going on a long vacation for the holidays, so suggested I continue with my myofasical and ART and continue with the phase 1 exercises until I see her again on January 6th.

So I was continuing to try to do light strengthening for a couple of weeks, getting ART twice a week and my myofascial therapy once a week, was becoming a little more active in life, but felt like I was getting worse.  I came across a post on one of the hip forums I belong too and I felt like I could have written the post.  I’ll spare the details, but basically realized what my specific compensations in my pelvis are and how they are affecting my gait pattern.  Everytime I take a step with my right leg my pelvis drops down and rotates forward pulling on my SI joint and lower lumbar spine, then the low back muscles on the opposite side tighten to try to help stabilize the pelvis, but then get overworked and cause that hip (left hip) to get pulled up and back putting stress on all the muscles in that leg.  Basically each side of my pelvis is doing something completely different instead of trying to work together.  I’ve been experimenting with walking the past few days and have to physically tap on the muscle belly of the right glute medium to “wake” it up, then do a quick stretch to my right obliques to “wake” them up and then consciously contract those while taking a step with the right leg.  My pelvis still drops a little, but not as much.  Going to discuss this with my PT next week.  I know my muscles are weak, but also I think they just don’t “turn on” when they are supposed to.  I don’t think they remember how to work together correctly or even that they need to work.  My motor patterns are so screwy and it messes up my entire hip/lumbar complex which then causes muscle, fasica, and nerve pain all over the body from the compensations.  I truly hope I can get this fixed in 2014, I’m so sick of living my life practically housebound and in terrible pain everyday all day long.  I seem to have developed some type of myofascial chronic pain syndrome as a result of the screwy hips and pelvis, lovely:(

The past week and a half I’ve had both kids home everyday, all day long which has been a blessing because I love spending the time with them and it can distract me from the pain some, but also difficult when they get ancy or start fighting.  Also, all of us have our quota for how much stimulation our brains can handle each day, if you’ve never been around someone with chronic long standing pain it would be good for you to know that the threshold for over-stimulation is reached at a very low level compared to a “normal” person.  My kids are active and loud and boisterous and all things healthy, normal kids should be, but when with them everyday all day long my brain cannot handle that stimulation so I’ve definitely lost my patience with yelling more than I would like to.  I try to give them a warning before I’m going to lose it, and today when given the warning my daughter said to my son “we better stop before mommy starts freaking out on us.”  I felt bad, but also had to laugh internally a little.  The good news is I never did have to “freak out” on them tonight!  I do think I possibly could be over-oxygenating my brain due to all the deep breathing I need to do to try to hold it together, lol.

Anyways today of course is New Years.  We were blessed to be able to spend New Years Eve at our house with my parents, my close friend and her family, some friends from church, and our neighbors who are good friends of ours as well.  I’ve been reflecting today on 2013 and cannot believe the year I’ve had……3 surgeries.  When I say that it just seems so incomprehensible.  Honestly the actual surgery part of the year was probably the least stressful, it’s all the appointments, PT visits, continued pain and compensation, financial implications from everything, and just trying to be a wife and mom to my beautiful family while living in awful pain every minute of everyday.  I  have wanted hide in my bed all day, give in and just take a bunch of pills to make it through the days, and at times just throw in the towel and say the heck with life-Lord I am ready to come and meet you and be pain free for eternity………………..but somehow I manage to get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and get through the day with the Lord’s help.  I honestly don’t know how people get through life when dealing with these situations without leaning on God, he is the one that pulls me through my darkest moments, the one that comforts me, who hold me together, and the one that gives my husband patience when dealing with me during the really bad days (I think my hubby may be up for sainthood with all he’s had to sacrifice and how wonderful he’s been this year). I am trying to be hopeful about 2014, that it will be a better year, that things will improve, that I will be able to get to the point where I can somewhat function again in society.  I have hope that God will carry, pull, push (whatever he needs to do) me through each day.  I have hope that things will get better, but am not at the place yet where I feel I can make long term plans for this upcoming year (whether I can return to work and if so when, when/if I can take a vacation/trip, etc…) because I still don’t know how much better things will get and how fast getting “better” will happen.  Anyways, I will keep pushing on.  I visit the OSU PT on the 13th and will update on what she says after that appt.  Thank you as always for reading, until the next post….


4 thoughts on “1 step forward, 2 steps back….

  1. My prayers are with you Julie. I am so sorry that you are facing such an overwhelming challenge each day. I hope that you will call if I can do anything. I am glad to be a taxi service, cook, listen or anything else you need. I hate cleaning toilets though 🙂 Blessings to you, Yago, Catalina, and Mateo in 2014.

  2. Darryl, I’ll keep no toilets in mind then, lol. Thank you for the offer and prayers. This is as much of a mental battle as physical I have to say, not sure which is harder most days. Have a safe trip today.

  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Surgeries can become life altering, but being a strong person and having faith in God will get you through!

    • Thank you Nicole, I really appreciate that! I know you guys have a long road ahead too and can relate to the frustration and fears that come with suffering and surgery. I hope your daughter is doing well in her recovery:)

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