Well I’m at 3 weeks post right hip scope. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve written. I’ve had up and down days, but overall am moving in the right direction. I can see this recovery is going be a long journey. Surgically I feel bony stability in both of my hip joints now for the first time in years, so that’s a big positive. My hips no longer feel like they are falling out of their sockets. I hope never to have that feeling in my life again!! What I am left with is a twisted pelvis, torqued sacrum, and an entire body that has no idea what muscles it should be using to stand, walk, sit, move in any way at all. I am missing muscular stability which I need to build over the next months in the muscles in my pelvis and hips, while trying to release the tight muscles that have been overworked (low back muscles, deep hip rotators, upper back/thoracic muscles, and calf/lower leg/foot muscles). My perception of surgery used to be the same as most people’s perception, that you would have surgery, be knocked down a few weeks, then do a few weeks of rehab, and then be back to normal. I realize now that it’s not that simple. I look “normal” and I think that confuses people, but I am still a huge muscular mess that continues to cause me pain not just in my muscles, but continued nerve pain from the low back and sacrum being pulled out of place. Oh the joys of having hypermobility on top of having messed up hips, things get pulled out of place easily.
Anyways I started driving locally today. My hip itself doesn’t really feel the operated pain anymore, just the muscular stuff. My PT said today that I have really good range of motion for this stage (again thanks to my hypermobility). She really added some challenging hip stuff today that worked my glutes hard, which is what I need. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I have ditched my crutches in the house and for very short walks out of the house (ex: to run into CVS tonight to pick up something quickly), but use them the rest of the time when out of the house because my muscles fatigue easily in the right hip, then the compensatory muscles kick in causing a large increase in pain (worst of all being the nerve pain). After my first 2 surgeries I wanted off crutches ASAP; however I realize now that probably wasn’t the smartest idea, and am taking my time on this one. I pretty much can do most things, get shoes/socks on, get on/off floor in a less weird way, cook, do light pick up/cleaning, etc… Last Friday I went to see my PA and she removed my stitches , and overall things looked good she said. I can take a bath again this Friday (yeah!!! love baths in winter) and there are no other restrictions, just let pain be my guide. I had to give back my GameReady ice machine that day as well which was a little sad, but it’s time to move on in the process I suppose. Having the ice machine did force me to slow down and lay on the couch vs. run around trying to do 100 things I shouldn’t be doing, so I need to make sure I still take my rests when I feel my muscles tighten up so I don’t overdo things and cause myself to flare up. I go back to see Dr. Ellis on December 9th to get x-rays and see the final product of my improved hips.
It’ll be 3 years in January since I felt the first symptoms of having bad hips. I kept thinking each year that things would get better. To be honest things have gotten worse each year, in 2011 I now realize that the right hip was the first “to go”, then in 2012 the pain got much worse when the left hip gave out, then in January of this year the pain from instability got to a whole new level. I was wrecked physically, mentally, and many days even spiritually. I really thought 2013 would be “my year” but realized the other day that although it has been the most difficult year of my life in so, so many ways, it actually has been the best year spiritually, which at the end of my life is the most important part. Our pastor at church last weekend said a statement that really resonated in my soul: “God is far more concerned with who you are becoming than he is with your comfort”. If you seek him he will use whatever he needs to in order to shape and mold you into what he wants. I sought and asked for that relationship with him just about 3 years ago now and he replied, not in the way I wanted, but in the way he knew I needed. At the time I could not see the good, could not see the things I see now. This is the worst, but also the best thing to ever happen to me (tough to say that at times although I know deep inside it’s true).
Through all of this there are absolutes I know now that I’ve learned in this journey. 1. God is good, no matter what happens, no matter what my circumstances are, he is always good. 2. He uses all things to work for good, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, his plan is always better. I may not understand it at the time, but it is always better. 3. He will never leave me, even in my darkest moments I have felt his presence, and it’s the best high I’ve ever had. 4. My life on earth is temporary, I need to be thankful, grateful, loving to God for granting me this life and to everyone I meet in it. That means me loving ALL people no matter who they are, what their choices are, or what differences we have. The Bible says the most important thing is to love God with all your heart and secondly love your neighbors. 5. I need to keep myself open to be used by God for whatever he wants to use me for on this earth to fulfill my purpose here. I need to be willing to abandon my plans whenever he calls me for his plans.
I know there are more things he will continue to reveal to me as the journey of my life unfolds, and I am just so thankful that my eyes have been opened in ways I never would have thought they could. Thank you for reading, until next time…..